So this is fun, remember that meeting I was super mad about being forced to go to on my day off instead of just calling in like I asked to do? Turns out the person I sat next to in that very small, very unventilated room for three and a half fucking hours just tested positive for Covid! And I wondered why I woke up with a sore throat and headache this morning! Ha ha ha, whatcha gonna do! Answer: suffer.
January 9th:
What is the most memorable gift you have received?
(Obligatory reminder to subscribe to my once-monthly newsletter here, which rounds up everything I wrote in the preceding month, grants access to a curated members-only Spotify playlist, and includes a piece of exclusive bonus collectible content I will NEVER repost anywhere else, ever!)
The BEST gifts I’ve ever been given were cats, but for the category of most memorable it doesn’t even come close. That’s right, you know him, you love him, it’s my main ceramic man, Feldspar:
Feldspar was a Christmas gift from my parents when I was ohhhhhh say 15 or so? I had APPARENTLY made comment regarding his handsomeness in some ancient Ashley Furniture which has doubtless since been converted into long-term tumbleweed storage, and my parents–in possibly the keenest moment of true understanding regarding their son that they would ever have–snagged him, wrapped him and absolutely baffled my ass with him nine months later. Let me be clear: I did not request this magnificent bastard, for all I know my parents could’ve made that story up just to test the limits of my willingness to avoid conflict, but he was an absolute slam dunk and has been a staple of my life through three states, three colleges, one marriage, many cats, and however many pandemics we’re up to now.
Our cats are obsessed with him, as is evident, every small child in our life is obsessed with him, I’m obsessed with him, and have decked him out in nothing less than hand-strung Baha’i prayer beads from when I was still a Baha’i and a Pam Wishbow kerchief.
As my office became used more and more for storage due to one of our floors vanishing, I decided to bring him out into the main family room for everyone to enjoy, and he now graces our hearth, classing the joint up by at least 30% and elegantly obscuring our router from sight.
Man he’s cool.
–The Bagler
All the big fights, long nights that you been through
I got a bottle of tequila I been saving for you