GANG I WALKED SO MUCH AT THE PARK TODAY, I GOT THREE MILES AND BURNED LIKE 400 CALORIES AND CAUGHT SO MANY FRIGGIN’ POKÉMON, I HAVE A DRAGONAIR NOW, HIS NAME IS ‘NAIR AUTOMATA’ WHICH IS A JOKE FOR NO ONE, THAT GYM BELONGS TO TEAM MYSTIC UNTIL THE SUN DEVOURS US ALL, AND MY LIFE IS COMPLETE UNTIL THE DOPAMINE WEARS OFF.
January 12th:
What chore do you find the most challenging to do?
(Obligatory reminder to subscribe to my once-monthly newsletter here, which rounds up everything I wrote in the preceding month, grants access to a curated members-only Spotify playlist, and includes a piece of exclusive bonus collectible content I will NEVER repost anywhere else, ever!)
Do you think I’d get named next month’s Bad Boy Of Blogging if I said “BLOGANUARY, AMIRITE”? Snagging the BBOB is all I’ve ever wanted ever since I just made it up.
My answer has to be yardwork, because like many things it would be better, easier, faster, and more fun if I had a lightsaber. I HAVE SO FEW FOES BUT SO MUCH WOODEN DEBRIS AND ALSO SOME GREAT-TAILED GRACKLES WHO NEED TO LEARN A LITTLE RESPECT.
Now the work itself I don’t actually mind; it’s productive and meditative, it’s prime listen-to-podcast time, I get some exercise, it gets a hard recommend from me all around. No, what I mind is actually two things:
- Arizona is thought of as dry, which is generally true except in our secret monsoon season and the double-secret goddamn mosquito season that follows, but this doesn’t mean there’s no flora, it means the flora has mastered the art of doing more with less and with frankly terrifying speed; case in point, the above chlorophyll cataclysm is maybe a week old. As a result, anything I do can feel very temporary.
- Honestly, I prefer the above. It reminds me of Oregon, where a neglected empty lot is a maelstrom of life that fills me with joy, as opposed to empty lots here in Arizona, all of which look like a set in Wristcutters: A Love Story, and make me feel like a character in it. (Also go watch Wristcutters, it’s amazing in a quiet, sweet way, and that has nothing to do with me being a hyperemotional 19-year-old working at Blockbuster when it came out.)
Also, the Outside Kitties we’ve adopted/been bamboozled by frolic around in it all the time while plotting to murder those goddamn grackles for me! If I take it away, then where will they conspire? I will not be the feral-kitten equivalent of the corrupt land baron who wants to demolish the rec center to build condos, and not just because I know a young Will Friedle will foil me by winning the car-wash motocross talent contest before Even Stevens comes on at 6:00.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I finally finished Persona 5 Royal this afternoon which means I get to play a different video game for what feels like the first time in my human life; maybe I’ll go see if this alleged “Super” Nintendo they just came out with is any good.
–The Bageler