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Bloganuary ’23, Day 18: Big Hug

a man taking a sip from a mug with a question mark on

Okay, listen: I forget how we got there, but this morning my wife said she was starting a charity for people born without butts, which she named No Butts About It.
I think we all know what I’m capable of, and that means knowing that I am certainly not going to top that in an intro I’m hastily rattling out during an episode of M*A*S*H*.

January 18th:
What’s Your Favorite Meal To Cook And/Or Eat?

(Obligatory reminder to subscribe to my once-monthly newsletter here, which rounds up everything I wrote in the preceding month, grants access to a curated members-only Spotify playlist, and includes a piece of exclusive bonus collectible content I will NEVER repost anywhere else, ever!)

I ALMOST DID NOT PARTICIPATE today, due to Computer Explosions, and also not really being much of a cooksman. I will, however, take this opportunity to pass down a culinary technology that has served me very well: eating as many things as humanly possible out of a mug.

A mug fulla the stuff fits nicely in your lap and securely on the couch or wherever, you can carry it around, and you don’t have to worry about a bowl tipping like nine degrees and spilling your godddamn Raisin Bran Crunch all over the place.

Mug those buttersnakes up and you don’t have to chase renegade noodles all over a plate or fish them out of a bowl, the central core will help retain heat instead of spreading it thither and yon, and since the sauce/butter/whatever will pool at the bottom, you can contain and regulate its distribution to your heart’s content.

Mashed potatoes?
Tell me I don’t have to explain this one to you. TELL me I don’t have to lay out the gravy-reservoir and/or bacon-bit possibilities this opens up for you.

Ice cream?

And scrambled eggs?
I believe you mean my personal, several-times-a-week breakfast go-to, layered scrambled egg breakfast lasagna. As the diagram below illustrates, a vertical fork-approach allows you to get the perfect mouthful every time, with an even and controlled ratio of egg to your other ingredients, in my case mostly colby-jack cheese.
(Side-note, find here my personal preference for scrambled-egg preparation, and the below variation of mug-technique assumes this or something similar so you can distribute the finished eggs as you see fit; if you prefer microwaved scrambled eggs the mug is still a fantastic option, but your layering-possibilities are limited.)

Pictured: A plan too perfect, too cunning, too delicious to fail

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to crack the math on fitting a waffle into one of those bastards; I think there are some very exciting things to be done with the possibility of a syrup-cenote.

–The Bageler

I’m talkin’ ’bout
Chicken a la king
Mango and garbanzo tabouleh
Grilled potatoes and vegetables
With roasted garlic and basil

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