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Bloganuary ’23, Day 20: Swallowed By The Sea

Hey look I remembered to title this one before posting it!

My very first concert was my then-favorite and still high-ranking band, The Moody Blues, at the Lancaster Performing Arts Center, with my dad and my best friend, The Colonel. (That’s not a euphemism; his initials were KFC and I was like this even as an 8th grader.) At one point the lead singer, Justin Hayward, stepped up to his mic and said something I’ll always remember: “This is a song I wrote when my hair was yellow and my teeth were white.” In that moment I knew, instead of merely suspecting, that the entire band and I would’ve been best friends. I still have the mug I bought at that concert; it lives in my cabinet, where it holds my shaving-soap brush, and I have to think they’d approve. I don’t have a point, and this isn’t related to today’s Bloganuary, but you’ve gotta start a post somehow and a cherished memory is good enough for this citizen. As you were.

January 20th:
What Irritates You About The Home You Live In?

I…often feel bad discussing my home, because we have a house and many people who work harder than I do and deserve one more don’t, and that makes me feel uncomfortably bougie. But I also know that in theory no one wants me to feel guilt for my good fortune, just to appreciate and be aware of the privileges that led to it, and I try to do that, and not complain about things that others would kill for. And now, to take a big sip of my beverage and see what today’s Bloganuary is aboPFFFTHBLTBHLTHBHTLBHBBLHT


If I had to pick something about which to bitch regarding my home–which I love, and for which I am very grateful–it would be that goddamn water keeps trying to destroy it from within. In the eight years we’ve lived here, we’ve had no fewer than four fairly major water-related incidents, destroying walls and ceilings, spoiling the scorpions with temporary waterslides that they’ll soon come to expect, and requiring restoration specialists to come and establish the desiccant-wards to prevent the growth of the Last Of Us fungus.

I’ve got my eye on you fruiting-body fucks, one false move and you’ll find yourselves on a cartoon pizza like THAT🫰

I don’t know what we ever did to water! It’s my primary element! I let our lawn die because we’ve been in a drought for several years and I refuse to be part of the problem for a stupid classist ecological monoculture that strips the landscape of its character and natural beauty! Is–is water mad about how much of it I drink? I HAVE TO BALANCE OUT THE DIET COKE SOMEHOW, OR I’D BE MORE ASPARTAME THAN MAN!

–The Bageler

When you’re on the outside, baby
And you can’t get in
I will show you
You’re so much better than you know

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