Okay so riddle my ass this though:
We got an Outback gift card from my folks for Decemberween, right? And my missus has had a rough week and deserves giant carrot cake, and if I’m honest with myself and all of us I could really use some of that hot brown bread, so I pull up DoorDash and do the thing. Twenty minutes go by. Your Dasher Is Picking Up Your Order. Thirty minutes. Forty. And then my order is cancelled and refunded, because our Dasher (not our Donder or Blitzen) got there and the restaurant “was reported to be closed”.
Naturally confused, we called Outback, who were very much open, but couldn’t give us our food due to DoorDash nonsense, so eventually we just gave up and had cereal, which, I mean there are definitely worse outcomes, I’ve definitely been dissatisfied with cereal waaaaay fewer times than I have with Outback.
But what haunts me is this: If they were open, where did our Dasher go? You can follow their GPS or whatever, they clearly went to where the restaurant is over by what used to be the Local Creepy Mixed Martial Arts Studio, so like–what–who told them the Fake Australian Eatery was closed? I’ll always wonder, and I’ll never, ever know. I’ll have to make my peace with that, but Corn Pops will help with it, as they do with most things.
January 28th: Describe Your Perfect Birthday Cake.
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Oh this one’s easy: Devil’s food with homemade peanut butter frosting. Unstoppable.
That’s it. Final answer.
I’m sorry, I really don’t know what more there is to say, it’s just the Best Cake.
–The Bageler
I just want to be one true thing that don’t fade
I don’t wanna give up tomorrow