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Blaugust 2023, Day 11: #ATCAB (All Time-Cops Are Bad)

Two creepy puppets on a laptop being held by hands


Before we begin, I have for you a fun fact and a sincere, out-of-character plea.
The fun fact is this: the molecules in THC that give you that groovy ‘tude–the very trumpet in the jazz gummy–bind with whatever lipids they meet while they’re in our tummies and are much more easily processed by our bodies that way, meaning that if you pair your gummy or oil with something nice and fatty (say a bowl of mac and cheese with enough butter that it legally counts as a spread), the slider marked FCKN’ TRMPT on your mental mixing-board gets pushed all the way to Armstrong and you get really, really confused about how this can be day 11 of Blaugust if you’re doing (spoiler) prompt #10. So if you’ve ever tried the Devil’s Oregano and found it didn’t really affect you, try taking it with a coupla cookies or a ramekin of wee cocktail wurst or similar.

Okay here is the sincere part: What’s happening in Hawai’i is fucking heartbreaking and yet another humanitarian disaster in a world that seems to grow ’em like goddamn lawn-mushrooms; here’s a list of ways you can help, take a look at whichever one best suits your means (and/or donate blood, a blood-drought has been on for years, that is not a joke), do what you can (and don’t fret what you can’t), and maybe tell a friend, or an enemy who hates you but isn’t like, a bad person, like Michael Bublé or John Fogerty could tell me about these and I’d at least forward the link to myself for later before pissing in a cup and pouring it into his air-conditioning unit:

  1. RED CROSS: Giving people hot food and phone-charging access, and helping them replace prescription medications, reading glasses, and other non-drugstore necessities; text “REDCROSS” to 90999 to donate $10 (through your phone bill I think?), or check here for more.
  2. MAUI STRONG FUND: Providing shelter, food, and financial aid for the displaced, donate here.
  3. MAUI FOOD BANK: Able to provide four meals for every dollar donated, more info here.
  4. MAUI HUMANE SOCIETY: Soliciting food donations and foster openings for displaced furfurs; donate to help offset animal medical costs due to burns and smoke inhalation here.

I know there are a million worthy causes to donate to, but this one is time-sensitive and in the midst of the biggest swell of support it’s likely to get, which we can help strengthen and prolong. Thank you, Serious Mode is now done. Ask Robot Secretary To Solve My Indecision Mode is GO.

Wait if it’s–if it’s number 10, but today’s the 11th, but–it–I CAN’T DO THIS AGAIN

#11: If you had a mascot to represent
you, what would it be?

The careful and/or hungry reader may have noticed that the icon for my site in their tab-cascade and avatar for my site is JUGHEAD JONES, whom the younger will know from Riverdale, the nerdy will remember from Jughead: The Hunger, any dad from an 80’s-90’s sitcom would know from the original comics, and I know from Chip Zdarsky’s run on the comics in like 2015 or so.

The man, the myth, the munchies

I am like Jughead Jones in many ways; my simplicity of spirit, aversion to team activities, rich inner life, and fondness for the hammed burger, as seen above. (I’m not sure how far this goes back in the Riverdale Canon, but he’s also been openly asexual since at least Chip’s run, and while I am not ace myself I do tend not to discuss smoochin’-matters in public, and neither does he, albeit for different reasons) I don’t agree with all of his stances–his recurring daydream fantasies in which he’s a time-cop fall under ACAB if you ask yours truly (#ATCAB)–but I feel like Jughead gets what I’m about, and also maybe I can get him to make me a whoopie-cap too.

I’ve never seen that Riverdale show–from what I understand it’s trying real hard to be Twin Peaks and that’s its first mistake, absolutely fucking nothing about Twin Peaks happened on purpose–but I’m under the impression the show’s version of Jughead is a kind of journalist, in addition to his full-time bad-boy smoldering-duties; I’m definitely not a journalist, but I’m as much of a journalist as a fictional one is, so we’re alike in that pursuit: bringing news to the people, whether it’s about comics and tarot decks and my cat or Pop using the Chock’Lit Shoppe as a front for his illegal Local Hunk Fight Club, I assume.

Now if you’ll excuse me, Threshold Kids is about to come on, so I need to fucking hide.


–The Bageler

Girl with a gun never run from no-one
And she won’t now, won’t now
Hell no, won’t now

  1. Tiramisu J. Cat! The Misu Mash! Misu Soap! Misu In The Morning! This friggin’ guy! ↩︎
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