The very finest in fake lies, yelling, and jokes that aren't worth the legwork
Here follows a brief exchange that will give a cursory and shallow but essentially correct example of the dynamic between the personalities in my marriage: It’s not actually depressing! By that time, humanity will either have gotten off this godless rock for good or have long since collectively quit the stage in a way that…
I started up the Klingon course in DuoLingo, because the reasons to do so had finally become too many to ignore: The only thing I don’t love about it is the writing system, not because it’s brutal and ugly (a perfect marriage of form and function) but due to the problem I have with a…
I am TOO SLEEPY and FILLED WITH CHICKEN to do much but the actual post, and so IN LIEU of a joke-filled or anecdotal intro I will simply tell you: Go read the hell out of This Is Chance! by Jon Mooallem and/or (better and, really, they’re great in different ways) listen to this episode…
I HAVE NO INTRO TODAY, I PUT OUT TWO POSTS FOR YOU PEOPLE YESTERDAY, GO READ THE INTROS IN THOSE INSTEAD, THEY’RE GREAT. Kthxbai. January 23rd: What’s A Lie You Tell Yourself? THAT I’M GOING TO BE ABLE TO GET THIS POST DONE BEFORE GOING TO BOOK CLUB, APPARENTLY. This was a weird question, because…
We had a HEATER REPAIRMAN come today, who dishonored our home by lying and saying he was born in 1998; this is not possible, because in 1998 I was playing Ocarina Of Time and Pokémon, and trying to get my parents to tell me what the hell Clinton did because my 4th grade teacher–Mrs. Crossman,…
Look, it–okay, sometimes, a thing seems like a good idea, SOMETIMES you get a tattoo that says “EZRA MILLER AIN’T JUST A FLASH IN THE PAN” across so, so many of your knuckles and then take a big sip of your beverage and check the news six months ago. You have at least heard, I…
TODAY IS MY FATHER’S ONE MILLIONTH OR SOMETHING BIRTHDAY, and he did not require surgery for his TERRIBLE GRIPPER-GOUGE after all. We are very grateful. THIS HAS BEEN AN UPDAD-DATE. What’s updad, you might ask? Not much, sport, what’s up with you? January 21st: Who Is Your Favorite Author And Why? (Obligatory reminder to subscribe…
Hey look I remembered to title this one before posting it! My very first concert was my then-favorite and still high-ranking band, The Moody Blues, at the Lancaster Performing Arts Center, with my dad and my best friend, The Colonel. (That’s not a euphemism; his initials were KFC and I was like this even as…
TODAY, I taught some small boys how to play TMNT: Shredder’s Revenge, and was afforded the privilage of claiming Donatello as my permaturtle as long as I allowed that Oldest Boy was, now and forever, The Red One. This, to me, is a fair trade; Raph may be cool but rude, but Donny—as we know—does…
My dad was hospitalized last night and will be having surgery today; I am very stressed about it and just want to watch horror movies until Mother tells me he’s okay, thank you for your understanding.
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