BEIN’ SPOOKED, END OF STORY.Nah jk I probably did some other stuff too, like quit Twitter; lemme have a rummage. (Obligatory reminder to subscribe to my once-monthly newsletter here, which rounds up everything I wrote in the preceding month, grants access to a curated members-only Spotify playlist, and includes a piece of exclusive bonus collectible content…
Category: Topic Essays
Word Crimes: Suspect #1
I…love words. I love learning them, love learning about them, love using the exact right one, love using far more of them than are, strictly speaking, necessary. There are, however, some that, if offered the chance, I would beat the living shit out of in an Applebee’s parking lot at 2am like James Kirk would…
Ask The Bageler: How Do You Read So Friggin’ Many Books, Guy?
Picture it: I dunno like two weeks ago. One of my followers–oh that’s right, I’ve got a posse–read one of my Monthly Books Read Lists and replied like so: Reader gentle, reader dear–reader feral, reader I fear–I have a problem which is common to many of us: I was raised to think that assessing myself…
Other Pursuits, August 2022
Especially since the advent of this site, I’ve allocated all of my Media Enjoyment Action Points to the ‘Comics’ column, leaving only baseline levels, influenced by my stats and equipment bonuses, for things like Non-Comic Books and Video Games, to say nothing of non-media exploits. I can’t remember the last time I woodburned a devotary…
The Only Cheez-It That Can Never Be Eaten
The story of a man’s love for a woman, that woman’s love for salty orange garbage-squares, and the Michigander genius who gave their weird love form.
The Dispatch From My Office – May 2022
(The Dispatch From My Office is a column I write for my company newsletter in hopes of bringing a touch of the recognizably human to our employees from the management side; I reprint them here because I have fun doing and work hard on them and because, let us not deny it, dude’s gotta post…
Little Caesar’s Big! Big! Bucket: My Part In Their Downfall
It will come as no surprise to the gentle reader that in the midst of recording the preshow for a recent episode of our Percy Jackson read-through show The Jackson Two, I was waxing indignant about the lack of fast-food pasta options available, and was furious to be informed by William that Little Caesar’s–you know,…
The Lost Cheese-Caves Of The United States, Or, How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Hippo
I explore the SHOCKING CONNECTIONS between the American plan to domesticate the hippo, the Dutch and their role in the setting of the national speed limit, and what Yom Kippur and Kraft Mac & Cheese have in common!
A GALLERY OF MY TERRIBLE CATS, EXHIBIT 1: HOLLAND
ALONE IN THE WORLD WAS A LITTLE CATBLOG BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT, or you would have, HAD YOU KNOWN YOU NEEDED IT IN ORDER TO CONTINUE PRODUCING YOUR BONES’ PRECIOUS MARROWS. But now that’s taken care of, so you’re ahead of the game; go ahead and take a break, fix yourself a…
The Dinosaur To Which I Am Heir, Or: I, Jerk
Good evening. Thank you for joining me, and please feel free to help yourself to a frosty Fanta in the flavor of your choice, including Limited-Edition And Possibly Fictional Goozleberry. Find below a photo-graph of Haplocanthosaurus Delfsi, a dead-ass thunder lizard first discovered in Colorado in 1954. Pictured is the most complete…
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