It used to be exclusive to my newsletter subscribers but then TinyLetter imploded!
HA-HA, OH WELL
WELL, BUDDIES AND BUGBEARS, Bloganuary has come to its natural and preordained end, like a re-watch of The Golden Girls or a funeral led by a director to whom it matters that some of us are still living and would like to go get a hamburger, please.
Here, have some memos.
Memo #1
There is a meme in my household. Many years ago, when first we lived here and together, She Who Is Now My Wife was thoughtful enough to source me a PS3 for our first Christmas in our new home. And, magically, it actually managed to be two presents, because it was a Lego The Hobbit-edition model and initially I actually thought she had gotten me a big-ass Hobbit-themed Lego set1 before realizing my mistake. WELL IT WOULD SEEM TO TRANSPIRE that I wasn’t the only one; when she had gone to the Toys ‘R’ Us to pick it up, that’s exactly what she thought this saleswoman was trying to give her, to which she replied—and here I quote—”Oh no, miss, I need the Sony PS3″ with such utter sincerity that I laughed until my back seized up tighter than an L.A. freeway at 5:30 on a Friday. It was like a commercial, like the cashier had brought her a tuna sandwich nestled inside a leather work-glove; “Here’s your order!” they would connivingly say, only for a narrator to pause the reel and ask “Has this ever happened to you? Don’t be one of dozens of people tricked every year.” Then my wife turns to the camera, gives a foxy wink, and replies “Oh no, miss, I need the Sony PS3″, and then the cashier would probably be dragged off by a slarb of Sleestaks or explode or something. God I love that woman. I hope she knows.
Anyway, that event itself has naturally become a beloved gem of family lore, but has given birth to a submeme, a mememe for a Memo2; every once in a while when one of us hands the other something, we’ll look to camera and reply that “Oh no, I need my pants. *wink*”.
Memo #2
Due to my demographics and habitual calls for billionaires to be fed to the Agoge, to be named and marry should they survive, my Facebook has begun recommending me groups and pages like “Boomers Mistaking Trauma For Precious Childhood Memories” or “Boomers Not Realizing Tech Literacy Doesn’t Go Both Ways” and similar; I’ll skim them for a while but I can only handle so much Drink From Hose and All Child Know Is Phone and English Only Because Jesus and I Hate Wife.
But I did espy something interesting in one of the comments; I’m not much of a Bible-quoter but fair is fair, especially when it shuts Uncle Clarf up at the Thanksgiving table:
The Bible: sometimes pretty good when no one is attempting to use it to excuse genocide, slavery, and actively trying to end the world so Jesus can come smite all your enemies.
Memo #3
The project I’m working on at my job has me sorting through a huge backlog of survey paperwork (it rules, I’m getting so much Knowledge Fight and audiobook time). One question asks if they’ve ever had a genetic screening for possible cancer risk-factors; most people answer ‘No’ or ignore it altogether, but one person, store-brand God bless ’em, said ‘Yes’ and under the section for Results wrote “No genes detected.”, and I laughed for an hour. I know it was an in-context answer! I’m not making fun of them! I’m just saying what it sounds like is that their doctor looked at a clipboard and said “Yeah we looked and there’s just–there’s nothing in there, just nada. There should definitely be some Gattacas and shit, but there’s nary an Ethan Hawke to be found, to say nothing of any Simmons, Siskells, or Wilders!” Sometimes life is delightful.
Memo #4
Would you look at this muggins:
I know what you’re thinking! It’s what we thought too! But he’s not stuck! Cannoli J. Cat3 did this many times throughout the evening, wouldn’t let us help, and repeatedly hopped with ease and panache onto surfaces higher than that windowsill. The boy just loves to dangle! Bless ‘im.
Memo #5
Yo I got this SICK new book:
I realize this seems super niche, but you don’t need to care about typography-qua-typography to appreciate the ways that visual design can be used as a tool in worldbuilding and storytelling, and what movies are saying with the ways they look. Book good!
AND NOW WE BID BLOGANUARY ADIEUARY. We also go read Camp Damascus to our wives until they fall asleep, then switch to Leviathan Wakes or This Is Chance!; I’m so glad we formed this strange book club.
I AM SORRY FOR THE TWO ARTICLES TODAY.
GOOD NIGHT AGAIN AND GOOD LUCK AGAIN.